Ah, fourth quarter. A radical time for finals, preparing for summer, and most definitely…prom! Many students, especially guys, struggle with all the preparations needed cook up that perfect prom. Sometimes assembling the plans are harder than actually executing them. With all the preparations that need to be arranged, one might struggle where to start. Just chill out, because here are but a few gnarly tips on how to make prom as wicked as possible.
Dressing for Prom:
- If you don’t want to spend a copious amount of money on a tux or dress, everything is 50 percent off at The Salvation Army on Wednesdays.
- If you do end up renting a tuxedo, go all out and trash it. How many times do you get to wear a tux?
- Real boutonnieres are for pompous aristocrats who own lemon farms and Lamborghinis ; try making them out of a printed copy of The Bee Movie script. Need help folding a boutonniere? Try: http://foldsomething.com/2011/origami-videos/paper-boutonniere/
- Neck ties are for office workers and squares. Bolo ties and ascots have much more flair.
- To impress the ladies, lather yourself in olive oil and AXE Body Spray.
- Contrary to popular belief, the tuxedo T-shirt is very classy and appropriate for formal events.
- Stay up late the night before to get everything ready. Your date will appreciate your spontaneity and you are sure to avoid all of those pesky sales or early bird deals.
- Make sure to introduce your date to your pet sea monkeys. The sea monkeys can be very sensitive.
- For a real wild time, take your prom pictures at the zoo by the alpacas.
- If you want a more creative form of transportation, try taking a two-seated bike or a mo-ped.
- Don’t worry about being late picking up your date. Their parents will understand.
- Always choose a cheap Chinese buffet over a high end, 4-star, reservation-only restaurant.
- When waiting for your food to be served, show your date your extensive meme collection.
- Garlic bread is a girl’s best friend.
- Always split the bill with your date.
- Never tip the waiter. They make enough money if they have a smile on their face.
At the Dance:
- When in doubt, dab your way out. It works for awkward conversation, avoiding yearbook photographers, and avoiding the slow dance your date has been waiting for all night.
- Make sure to give the DJ your Mongolian Throat Singing Mixtape to really spice up the dance floor.
- During the slow dance, make sure to leave room for Jesus.
- After the slow dance, loudly yell “Freebird!” Or if you’re feeling risky, try screaming it in the middle of the song.
- Chant “U.S.A.” when the prom court is announced.
- If and when your date leans in for that magical kiss, whisper something they’ll never forget: for example, “This is my swamp.”
- If you do not compliment your date’s outfit, eyes, hair, lineage, or knowledge of Albanian history every five minutes, they might grow disinterested and begin to flirt with the chap in the corner who continually shoots them googly eyes.
What about after prom?
- Any reasonable human knows that curfew is a myth.
- If you’re feeling hungry after prom, Taco Bell is open until 5 a.m.
- If you took a limo, the chauffeur really likes when you hang out the sunroof and repetitively chant “Yeeeeeeeeeet” while cruising the dock.
- Nothing says a romantic night quite like an all night Bible study.